My new life

I was never sure I wanted to have kids. Did you know that? Probably not. I can recall being fifteen and coming to that conclusion. This sentiment followed me over the years, and despite its truth, it never made sense. I did loads of babysitting, taught swim lessons, volunteered at a children's hospital, interned as a child life specialist and taught preschool. I loved kids. Yet friends would gush over how they couldn't wait for motherhood and I could not understand their desire. I would think "But there's so much to DO in life!" Flash forward to nine years of marriage- years that held so much of what one is supposed to DO in life, according to me!- and in the palm of my hand a stick that had just turned blue.

My precious, beautiful baby girl Maia Eden is fourteen weeks old on the day I am writing this. She was ushered into the world by my incredible midwives, Meredith and Christy, in the peace and comfort of our home. I was blessed with a flawless pregnancy, meaningful and empowering prenatal care and a really great birth experience. I love being Maia's mom and I feel a unique sense of accomplishment. Pretty good for someone who wasn't sure about the whole motherhood thing, right?

Looking back, especially now that Maia's been with us for three months, I understand better my former ambivalence about parenthood. Some conclusions aren't fit for blogging (because they make sense only to me) but there is one conclusion I am happy to share: there were some things I needed to go through before I became a mom, period. In the last three years or so I've experienced struggles and pain that brought about personal and spiritual growth that simply could not have been attained through any other medium. I am endlessly thankful for that. By leading me through my wilderness, God gave me a new sense of security in not only who I was, but who He was. So when that stick turned blue, I felt happiness, excitement...and peace. I was ready for my new life.

And Maia? She's a glorious girl. She has blue eyes, dimples and a shock of light brown hair that she loves to have brushed. She lights up when I sing to her and snuggles into John in a way that reduces him to Jell-O. She is a happy soul, clearly mesmerized by every element of her new world. There are still moments when I look at her in disbelief that she is all mine. Becoming a mother bears with it a richness that is beyond my imagination. I am loving every moment of my new life, confident that He who is before all things and holds all things together will continue to mold me into everything I can possibly become. Good thing I did all that babysitting :)